Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
