C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
