Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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