she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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