Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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