I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
