well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
