No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
