I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
