They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
