she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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