the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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