just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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