dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
