And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We just shotgunned beers for America
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
