Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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