Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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