Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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