escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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