You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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