I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
