my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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