Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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