My first STD was from a foam party
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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