Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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