i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize