Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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