Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize