the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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