I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
