3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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