I cockslap morals
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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