One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Randomize