I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
