You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
