your thong is hanging out like whoa
youre lurking in front of me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
