dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
