This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
