respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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