If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
