Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
