the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
