Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
