Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
