I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
