I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
