well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
