i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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