toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
