I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
