No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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