Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
