Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
