There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
