I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
