I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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