God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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