ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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