Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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