I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
