He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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