see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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