Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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