when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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