i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
