Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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