i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
