the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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