They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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