come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
