U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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