I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
