FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
