I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
