i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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