i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize