The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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